november 7, 2014
Halloween has just passed us and i am alive again. i was dressed in one of my best costumes ive ever worn in my life. I made an ok attempt a being a fulani (queen). i wore bright colors and bought some jewelry. I myself, was quite disappointing at my sad attempt. I had originally planned for losing 50-70 pounds and donning real tattoos. but instead i ate spoonfuls of nutella every night and decided that henna was the best option for me. I though it was an ok costume, but everyone seemed to like it as it seemed. what i was really proud of was then i went out of the compound in my full makeup and clothes and beninese people generally seemed to believe i was fulani (which mean a little bit more to me than an american saying i looked fulani). this proud feeling of resembling a fulani (queen) is highly contrasted to the feelings i get when people think i am beninese. sure if i walk down the street and you just look at me , its ok to think and believe that i am beninese, but if im introduced as "volunteer" or "american" to you and you have a useless conversation to me about how my skin is so black there is no way i could be american, i am beninoise like you...im just tired and it'll only get more frequent so i should just find a bridge and get over it.
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