some entries

july 21
my best friends: fans,mamas who give me good prices for things i want to buy, and did i say fans? ventelateurs, i love you so much
not a big fan of: being home before dark, not getting any remontants, being told that being myself was not the best way to spent my time here.
shit
for some reason i got really sad today, but i dont really know how i got really sad or why, but i felt really melancholy and i havent felt that
in a long time, it makes me mad, how my mood can change so quickly. i just get really fed up sometimes, and when i feel like im trapped in a corner
i feel hopeless and upset. so far for the past two weeks ive been told that the last persons i should be right now is me. this personalilty isnt working
for the right now. feedback-what other reaction can i feel for someone who tells me NOT to be me? disgust---not at myself, but for a collection of people
who just need to get a clue.
i seriously dont think that african americans have it bad here, not a all. but because im a teacher, people need to respect me right? ok tell every woman that
they probably need to dress conservatively for the respect of other teachers and students: cool. But pull my black ass out of the crowd and tell me im am black (like
i dont know that) and that i should have already been dressed to the nines in traditional clothes and have my hair permed and pressed ....wtf
i thought i wasnt gonna get the painful stares as the other volunteers, but damn, im getting the wrong kind of attention.
good news,i just downloaded GoT  from a classmate and my life is not complete! (jai besoin encore des romans excitants!)
july 22
arafat....
sayid...
wow my mom can sure yell the names of her sons all day
im sure everyone in this culture feels differently, but i feel like the youngest in the family does everything, maybe they are used to it, maybe my childhood was alittle bit the same, i always did things, maybe twice moreover, but the youngest one does EVERYTHING. maybe i feel a little inaddequte bc no one really taught me to do all those things that are necessary for growing up.
yorouba-honestly i didnt come here to discover my roots and be integrated as a real african. somehow though i do think about my origins while here, i also think about grenoble and how much happier i would be if i lived in someplace like that. i think people are surprised that i hold i general interest-as i do in all cultures- about yorouba culture. anyway some new words i learned:
ecarro-good morning
ecasan-good afternoon
ecala?-good night
all of these spellings are probably incorrect and im probably making my ancestors dissapointed right now.
somehow surprisly ive managed to live off the 70 dollars ive exchanged since i got here.