pre-departure thoughts/why i wanted to spend a year teaching english to hone my skills

i am not nervous
dont get me wrong, being a peace corps volunteer can be the hardest experience anyone can have
BUT it can also be the greatest experience
i still remember the feeling like it was yesterday- 4 years ago the day before getting on the plane, i wasnt  sleeping well for the whole week bc my heart seemed to burst out of my chest beating erratically at every thought that i would be living my dream in a few short hours:))
i cant imagine feeling that way now
i am not nervous bc nothing can surprise me
i spent a total of 32 mins researching czech repubic and slovakia before-other than boring history that wouldnt help me out on the streets, i had nothing to prepare myself for my unexpected 7-month stay.
i knew nothing about the culture and next to nothing about teaching
no matter how much english grammar you know-teaching involves almost none of that stuff
i am not nervous because knowing NOTHING is okay!!
i spent seven months learning that there IS no one way to teach good. i mean, well
after my experience in slovakia, i got comfortable with trial and error, criticisms (harsh), and screaming KIDS -who spoke in a language i dont understand-
so now i am the calmest person you will ever meet- it saves me time on adjustment and collecting myself so that i can focus on the important things- education
here is one my protegees i miss so dearly

Pre departure Qoute for Benin

“If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat”

—

M.A.

DONE (finalement!)

officially done with medical preparations for peacecorps. Ive been through bratislava and vienna and back trying to get this done. Ive gone pretty close to insanity living on a mixure of anticipation and anxiety. Now, I can hardly control myself! I did it! Thanks so the slovak doctors who speak english and my host mom for putting up with me for 2 nighmarish months.
ive almost put everything on hold bc of my busy schedule of waking up every morning to find a hospital, get lost, and be back in time for teaching english at noon.
i should spend this last days to ranger mes affaires but im spending my idle time basking in my freedom (to move) cuz i know i wont be able to suddenly have a urge to go somewhere in atlanta and follow through with that action as well.
comparing to my other experiences living outside the US, slovak life seems either on a lower level or a another level all together. For my study abroad experience, it was pretty easy to meet friends and even natives. when you live in a place like this, slovakia, there are plenty of young people willing to meet, its just WHERE and HOW? it is a challenge everyone has to face, but me being spoiled by my korean and french adventures wasnt any help. living here has increased my love for those places and rather put me off for living in a new country where i have no friends and its hard to find any. I admit, i am spoiled but not rotten, ive honestly tried my best:))
contrary to my previous statement, i have met a few people who i can call dear. my 3 months here (part 1) ive met more kindred friends than 2nd time around..and they all left. I can tell why people leave, the people who are left here seems stuck on some type of complacent comformity. i lack the vocab for this kind of experience.
Last 5 days in BRA will be EPIC!

the best people are

People who are my spirit animals:Colbert, fotc, bo burham, ben from p&r, martin freeman

always check your directions before going someplace, thrice

had my physical exam for pc today, all the way in petrzalka (30 mins away). I took one tram, two buses, and a loss of dignity. after rushing out of the house and feeling hopeful about the changing weather, i decided to step out of the house barely wearing anything. after walking around the block trying to find my first bus stop, i was thinking people were staring EXTRA hard at me today despite my afro puff blowing harshly into the wind.
anyway i digress, after an uneventful checkin at the front desk, i came in 10 mins earlty and sat down outside the doctors office. smooth examination EXCEPT the fact that they cant do two of the blood work on the spot and i cant only get the form back AFTER my pap test (and other blood work).
SMOOTHLY, im in for a hell of about one more month (when all the medical procedures are due)
but i am making progress!
to immunizations!!!

switching from belly dancing to capoeira

im completely in love with it, i mean, usually when i look at other people do stuff that i like, i only like it as a spectator, but this time, im completely in love with doing it. and the group is pretty good too. im totally confident ill become a "mestres", or at least get a cord:)

we cant choose where we come from...

lemme tell you how this movie, tpbw, was one of the most real movies ive seen lately. what does a fresh out of college black girl have to do with a group of middle class white teenagers? its not the content, but the realization that everything is not a happy ending and everyone may be ok on the outside, but they may seem life they are dragged through hell on the inside.

first of all, i abhor movies that glorify the teenage years. not on a comedic basis, but making it seem like the purpose of those years spent on social agony are just a series of stories to be told in your later years, and that they would mean nothing. this movie was different.

right off the bat, i knew that i shared some adolescent characteristics with the main character. he was quiet, but he had a nice group of friends that were practically blood related.
and the most important characteristic of all- he like i, thought that he had a happy childhood, but looking back to the horrors of what actually happened is the only way to move forward.

yes, i was quite happy as a child, and thankful for the ignorance that made me laugh and enjoy life with my family. but i there is still a silent voice in my head that reeks of melancholy. a distaste not for people, but for the belief of the kindness of others. im sure if i believed in reincarnation, my previous body would have been in the ranks of the followers of such ideology as neitzsche. no, im not some non believer in nothing (which actually makes me have at least one belief) or a big fan of ayn rand.